I visited a church this past Sunday and as the worship leader began his welcome after the opening songs, he said let’s just pause a second and let’s thank God for 2025. When he said that it felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach. It literally sucked the breath out of me. “Be thankful for 2025?? Are you serious??” I thought to myself while fighting back the tears. “This has been one of the worst years of my life! I can’t wait for 2026 to get here. Is there a fast forward button to push?”
For a brief moment I was a little upset with this worship leader. Didn’t he know what I had been through? Then rational thought prevailed. How could he know? But then he continued in prayer by saying “Lord we know there are some who have had a very rough year, but we still thank you for we know that You are GOOD!” And that’s where he got me. That’s where I became convicted.
2025 was a very hard year for me, for my family, my church community, and a lot of other people. I lost the love of my life this year. The one God gave to me was taken from me. This is a year that will live on in my mind in infamy. Notwithstanding all of that, I forced myself to think in what ways could I or should I be thankful? Besides the fact that I can recite and regurgitate that phrase “God is Good all the time, and all the time God is good”, How could I be thankful for 2025?
The first thing that literally came to my mind was that Kandi’s illness was brief in comparison to typical cancer battles and was not as debilitating. She did not have to suffer through what a lot of cancer patients have to suffer through. Sometimes with cancer, the treatment is worse than the disease. I thank God that Kandi did not experience a lot of the usual effects and side effects like hair loss, weight loss, the nausea and other comorbidities or sicknesses that are usually brought on by the treatment and therapies.
I am thankful for the example of courage, strength and faith in God that Kandi demonstrated during her brief fight. Her faith never wavered in public or in private. She stood boldly, ten toes down and faced this monster eye to eye. Whatever it took, she was up for it. She was also very bold in advocating for herself throughout this process. If she believed there was something that was being neglected by the staff or doctors, she spoke up. I’m thankful for that example of courage and tenacity in the moment to receive all the things that she felt she deserved.
I am thankful for all of the love and support from family and friends. I saw during this brief illness, just how much people really loved Kandi and our family. I was blown away by the type of Jesus love that we have experienced during the time of her illness, her subsequent passing and even until now. This helps to renew and restore my faith in God (for He is Good), and His people. In these days and times, church, religion and the people of God quickly take on a negative connotation in the public eye. What with all of the in- and out-fighting going on, churches are being accused (and sometimes rightfully so) for having some of the most toxic environments. But in our case, we saw the love of Jesus being demonstrated by God’s people. It was so comforting to experience this first hand. The real people of God, The True Church stepped up and showed out!
I am thankful for the opportunity to connect and reconnect with my blood family during this ordeal. I am finding out now how much blood family means. I have a couple of family members that I have really leaned on throughout this past year during this whole time. I’ve experienced such a growth and closeness in our familial bond. We are learning to be more trusting and vulnerable with one another. The expression “I love you” is not one usually uttered in our family, especially between the guys. However, through this experience we’ve learned what’s more important. Being manly and macho (aka toxic masculinity), or being completely open and vulnerable to each other in order to be there for one another? Lesson learned! And I’m so thankful for the new bonds and connections that I’ve made within my family.
I am very thankful for the opportunity to learn more about me and to grow my faith through this trial. During my whole married life, I made sure that in the case of my death, my wife and kids would be provided for in every way. I never seriously considered that it could be that Kandi would go before me. I was not emotionally, psychologically or spiritually ready for this to happen. However, in these past few months, as I have walked through this valley, I have learned so much about myself. I have learned more about where my strengths lie, but more importantly about my character flaws. In some ways in this short time, I have grown. In other ways, I realize there is more growth needed. There are more fears to overcome. More ways in which to trust God. More ways in which to put my faith in the Father on display. I’m learning that I can survive and thrive on my own and not fear the silence and loneliness. Afterall, if we have God, are we really alone?
So, I will admit that it is still very hard for me to say that I am thankful for 2025. But in the midst of it all and despite it all, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that even in 2025, and stepping into 2026, God is Good all the time, and all the time God is Good!
Happy New Year everyone!!💥🎆🎉🎊