I’m going to have to learn to embrace the stillness. The quietness. I can’t fear it. I can’t run from it. I have to learn to walk in it, sit in it. Enjoy it. Not so that I can become a recluse or a loner, but so that I can appreciate the love and company of others when they are present. So that I can listen better. Do a better job of hearing what others have to say. And mainly so that I can hear that still, quiet whisper of God’s spirit as He guides me through this valley.
Recognizing that voice in the quiet is the key to making it through this maze of grief and any other wilderness in life. When I’m feeling lost and alone, I need to learn to not panic and start yelling and feeling scared, but to settle down and calm my nerves. Breathe deep. Close my eyes and concentrate and listen for that quiet still voice of the Spirit as it guides me through the darkness.
I wanted to entitled this “Embracing the Lonliness”, but I realized something very important. I am not alone! Although I may feel as if I am. Even though I may feel lonely. Conscientiously, I know I am not alone. David said in the 23rd Psalm referring to God the Father, “. . . For thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me . . .” God also said “I will never leave you or forsake you.” So I am not alone even though I may feel lonely.
There is quiet, though. Once, where there was joy and laughter and noise and talk and movement and singing and dancing and shouting. Now, there is stillness. However, quietness and stillness have their work cut out for them, because they have a huge void to fill. Kandi was larger than life! I’m not saying she was obnoxious, but she had a large presence. Her 5’4″ 1–# frame could fill up a choir room or a church sanctuary when she entered. So, quietness and stillness cannot silence the voice or stop the movement of her legacy and her memory that continues to live and breathe and go with me and others wherever we are.
So silence and stillness, I embrace you, I welcome you because its in these times when the memory of her comes flooding back, putting a tearful smile on my face. This serves as a bittersweet reminder that not only is God, my Abba Father with me, but so is she.